


A day of stalking Haru

by orphan_account



Category: 50 Percent Off, Free!, octopimp
Genre: Crack, M/M, Not Serious, Parody, Thugisa, i'll add more as they come up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:11:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thugisa and Makoto are curious to see what Haru does in his freetime besides getting wet (in the pool).<br/>Oh yeah, I also suggest you watch 50% off before reading this, or you might be very confused. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cs-M5NHTRc&list=PLJVeF2-zu1kGQ7t7UUPwolNWiQHXQUASs</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

** PROLOGUE  **

"What up, slut?" ~~Thugisa~~  Nagisa greeted Makoto as he opened his door. 

"Nagisa! What are you doing here?" Makoto asked. 

"I'm bored as hell. You know what I've always wanted ta do?"

"Rei, probably."

"What" 

"Nothing..." 

An awkward silence passed between the two. 

"Well anyways, I was  _gonna_ ask if you wanted to follow 'round dolphin dong (Haru) fo' a day. I wanna see what he does when we ain't with him."

Makoto thought about it for a moment.  _So I'll get to watch Haru all day...and he won't even know I'm there...maybe I'll bring my camera along for some new...material.."_

"Bitch you comin' or nah, I need an answer now." 

The sound of police sirens began to grow louder. 

"Sure! But, uh Nagisa? Are you on another 'run' again?" Makoto questioned, closing the door behind him. This happened every month.

"Let's just go,  he's probably leavin' his house right now!" Nagisa said nervously, taking Makoto's hand and running to the direction of Haru's house.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa and Makoto observe Haru in his home.

After a 10 minute walk (or more like run), Makoto and Nagisa ended up at Haru's house. 

"So are we just waiting for him to come out?" Makoto whispered. 

"Nah man, we gonna break in." Nagisa hissed back.

"But how are we going to get inside him-" Makoto cleared his throat, "I meant get inside his house without him seeing?"

Nagisa chuckled. "Bitch buoy is probably in his bathtub, spacing out or some shit. He won't hear us. Also, maybe there's a spare key under his mat." 

"Ok, but I don't think there will be a key there." Makoto replied. 

Nagisa lifted up the mat in front of Haru's door. As expected, there was just a swimsuit.

"I guess we're breaking in..." murmured Makoto.

"Alright moby dick, let's motherfuckin' do this." Nagisa took out a bobby pin and began to pick the lock. After 20 seconds, the door made a clicking sound. 

Makoto slowly opened the door. They both quietly paced inside the house. Nagisa began to creep towards Haru's bathroom. He pressed his ear against the door. Suddenly, Nagisa motioned for Makoto to come forward. Makoto did so.

"Homeboy sounds like he's gettin' it on," Nagisa muttered. 

"What? Really?" Makoto inquired, pressing his ear against the bathroom door alongside Nagisa. 

"-Mmm you dirty slut, you are so wet!" 

Makoto turned 50 shades of red. 

"-Oh yeah, you can't wait for me to get inside you, huh? Oh, you dirty fucking water!" Haru exclaimed. They then heard a splash, which they assumed was the sound of him getting into his bathtub.

Nagisa facepalmed. "Oh, swim slut is talkin' to his bathtub." 

"Oh. Darn, I thought I would have something to record," murmured Makoto. 

"What." 

"Nothing." 

For about 45 more minutes, they listened to Haru splashing around in his tub, with the occasional utter of 'you're so fucking wet'. 

Finally, they heard Haru stand up.

"My mackerel storage is low. I need to go to the supermarket and get some more," Haru noted.

"Who is he talking to?" Makoto questioned. 

"Himself. Waterboy is kinda crazy yo." 

"Huh. I think we should go somewhere else, before he comes out of the bathroom." 

"Yeah." Nagisa got up and jumped out Haru's living room window. 

"Nagisa!" Makoto hissed. He stood up and quickly walked out the door. 

\---------------------------------

Haru emerged out of the bathroom door.

_"Ok Haru, time to go shopping," Haru #1 stated._

_"Don't tell me what to do Haru," replied Haru #2._

_"But I need more mackerel," Haru #1 complained._

_"Shut up Haru," answered Haru #2._


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nagisa and Makoto now follow Haru to the store.

Nagisa and Haru hid behind various bushes and trees on Haru's way to the supermarket.

"Are you sure he's not going to catch us following him?" Makoto was kind of paranoid. 

"Nah man. Check this out." 

Nagisa began to shout to Haru. "Yo h2-hoe!" 

There was no response.

\--------------------------------------------

_"Did someone just say something?" asked Haru #1._

_"Maybe it was Haru #3" replied Haru #2._

_"Look behind you, Haru." Haru #3 commanded._

_\------------------------------------------_

Nagisa's thug instincts began to tingle. "Shit man, Haru's about to look behind!" 

Nagisa roughly dragged Makoto down behind the bush with him as Haru turned around. 

They both nervously waited.

"Wow Nagisa, how did you know?" 

"Thug instincts man." 

"I wonder where you got that from?" 

"Don't ask," Nagisa answered, remembering his days in prison.

Finally, after 5 minutes, they got up. When they did, Haru had already entered the supermarket. 

"Should we go inside Haru- I mean, the super market now?" Makoto questioned.

"Hell yeah."   


They  crept into the supermarket. 

\-----------------------------------------

After 10 minutes, they spotted Haru in the fish aisle. His cart was stacked to the brim with mackerel. 

"Holy shit man. Either I'm tripping balls or Haru's cart is stacked with a shitload of motherfuckin' mackerel." 

"Er, it's stacked with mackerel. Nagisa, why did you do drugs before we came here? I also thought you were in prison before you did??" 

"I managed to get my hands on some stuff while in prison."

"How did you even??"  


"Let's just say, I had to drop the bar of soap. On purpose." 

Makoto shuddered and drew his attention back to Haru. But Haru wasn't even there anymore. 

"Where did he go?" 

"Oh, he's payin' for his mackerel." 

They paced quietly to the aisle behind the cash registers. 

\----------------------------------------------------

"That'll be 70 dollars, sir," The cashier stated.

_"Haru, he's telling you something," noted Haru #2._

_"Uh, quick say something.."urged Haru #1._

"I only swim freestyle," Haru replied. 

The cashier raised an annoyed eyebrow. "Sir, nothing here is free. You need to pay for this."

"I said, I only _swim_ freestyle," Haru pressed on. 

The cashier sighed. "Either you give me the money, or you're not getting your mackerel kid." 

Randomly, Haru disappeared in a flash of black smoke. 

"What the fuck," The cashier, Nagisa, and Makoto said in unison.

\------------------------------------------------- 

"Makoto, did you see that? Or are these drugs too strong?" 

"Yes, I saw that. Where did Haru go???" 

"H̍͋ͨ̐̒e͉͍̳̟̦̽̂ͭ͟r̜̫̎̊̄͋ͫ͆͝e̩̜̝̯ͅ.͆͆͜" A voice said behind Makoto.

Makoto spun around and his eyes widened as Haru suddenly was in his demon form. 

"Holy shit, this stuff is really kickin' in...I hope.." muttered Nagisa.

"Nagisa no, Haru is doing the weird demon thing that he always did when we were kids..." 

"B͔͎̰̤̘̺͚y͍̦͉ ̜͕̼̦͎̳țh̙̫̩͚͓̫̟e̜̻̼̝͕̼ ͕̯̦͉̳͔d̳̺̞̻̘̫͙a̮͇̼͙̪̱r̠ͅk̼͚̯̠̬̪e̦s̝̖̼͔̝̼̥t͈̦̰͖͇͎̫ ͈̰̮̪̠̙s̺̭͔̤͔̜͈u̠̦̞̲̼ͅn̫͚̭ ̹̗t̝h̙͖̼͙͉a̩̖̘̠͈t͉̖ c̤̩̥a̼̟̖̱͙̟s̬t̟̱̝̭̼̠̥s̻̱̖͇͚̮͙ ̙̗̫̮̖͍i͚̩͖̖t̜͕s̩̼̜͉̭ m̭̜̙ͅe̥̟n͚̲̣a͖̮c̫̗͔i̹̣̞̺n̠̳̳̦̠g ̜̮̰͈r̳̝a̻͕̤̩̯y̬̳̯s̩̤̱͍̮͍̦ ̤o͚̞̘n͖̰̟̹ ̘t̝ͅh̲̜̗͚̲͙̤e̻̥ ̭͖̬f̦̜̜̱̦a̝r͇th̞͖̹e̤̳̦̖̯̖͚ṣͅt̲͔͇͙ͅͅ ̥r̻͉̪̲̲̯e̟͓̜a͖̺̦͚̟ch͍̭̫̹̘̲ḙs ̲̦̖̥͎̦̦o̳̱̣͔f̯͎͖͇͖ ̲̻̥͖̻̭m̖ad̬̼ṇ̻͎̰e̹͉̤̩̲͕ͅs̯̳͇̠͙s̥̤͖̜̞̭," Haru began, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.  


Makoto and Nagisa screamed and tried to move, but couldn't. 

"W̰͍̠͓̦ͅe͇̘̞̯̘̞ ̜̭s̠e̻͎̬͉̤̠̻n̘s̗̞̗̳̠̘e͔̮͕ ̞y͔̭ou̻͓̠̹ͅͅͅr̰ ̰͍̩i͎͙̖ṋ͈̘̪ͅt̟̫̫̱en͈t̰̰i̭̬̰͍͉̳o͉͓͚̼̺͉͉n̤̤s̺͖̝̦̟̳̯,̱͎ ̪̥͖̯̼͕̹M̼͉a̟͓̪͓k͇o̦̟̗̥̹̹͈tọ̝̟ ̩͍̺̝͇͔T̠a̯̱͚͍c̖̼̩̞h̜̜̲̲i̘͈b͍̘̺͙a͚̖̥̠̝̻̠n͉̥̼̟ͅa̝ a͎̘̟͔n̝͈̹̙̹͉d̖̯͔ ̤̳̹͔̯̬N̪a̺͓̮̟̻gi͚̮̘̰̩̮s̥͇̬̙a̹͉̪ ̼͙̭͔̹H̥͓͎̦̫͚a͖̭̙̜͓͙͈ẕ͖u̮̬̩k͙̜̭̥i͈̤̘̪̗̗.̺̳̖̼͎̻ ̬͔͔̥̝̳̱" His eyes began to darken.   


"T͕̙͙̥ͅh̟͖̰͎̦̰e̤̫̫̠̟ ͎̫̜͙gi̩̭̟ͅb̯̬͓b̮͓̤̝͉̹̣e̥̹ͅri̱̠͍̝n̬̤̞̟̻ͅg o͙͍̦̣̺̱̺f ̼̲̜m͍̼͉͉̤a̠̼̤͖d̫̫̬̱͚̪ ̤̰̝̳c͉ul̜t̜̱͙̼͉̲ͅis̜̪̲͖t̟͔̪̤̱s͚̙̳̞̹ ̪͔̼̗wh̼i͖̦̮̗̪̻s͍̳̩͈̟͉p̘̲͙e͙̻͖r̩̹̰͕̱s͖̼͓ ̞͖̭̰̗w̯͔̰̞̗̲͕i̲̳̟c̙̟̟ke͔̰͓͕̜͔d͕̯̫͚̟̰͙ ̲̙̞w͍̯͓̝͕̞̱o͎̯͖͕͎̰͕r̥̹d̦͈͎͇̮̖ͅs̱̬ͅ ̟̭̱̮ͅi̬͍͈͉͚̞̮n͔̳̳͔̭t̞o̠̲ ̯t̟͇̮h̻e̩̩͙̬̜͖ ͔t͎̠̼͉emp̖̳̪̠̣o̗̜͉̣͍̰r͙̠̝̫̞a̻͖͍̟̲͓̱l̳̘͕̻̪ ̳̻̞̹w͇̣ͅi̟͕̥̣n̻͕̼̤̗̻ͅd͈̱͙s̘͔͇." Haru's eyes were now as black  ~~as Nagisa~~ as his hair. 

"T̖̣̼͇̘̥̗h͕̮e̦͇̫̣y͙͉͈̮̖̠͍ ̰̪i̻͇̺̞̣̪ṉ͙̻̻f̰̜̭o̳r͇̤̺̦ͅm̬̠̝̳̼͍ ̥͎̼̜̯͉u̖̻̤̙̗̲s͇̦ ͖t͚̼̼͈̗̤ͅh͙͙͈̤͈̮͇a̺̠̮͖̱t̞̩͕̰ ̭̣̬̞y̮o͖͖u̱̰̣ͅͅ ̬̬t̤͉̯w͔̼o͖͇̦̮ ͙a̰͍̟̣̟r̟̱̙̣e͈̱̱̫̠̼̳ ̠̳̮̹̘̝n̯̝̝̠̙͓o̦̜̝t͔ ̺͈̻̻t̩͖o ͕b͈̤̘͎̖̯̮ẹ t̟ru̻͉͕̠̪̖͎s͔̯t͔͙͉̺e͖̖̹̖͉͈̩d̻̳̙͖̮.̫̗͎ ̜̫̞͉̦Ṷ̭͈̹̩ͅs̝u̜̲r̲̺p͈͓̹̩e̯̻͔̖r̙̹̱s" Haru continued, a pentagram forming on his head. 

Makoto and Nagisa stood there, frozen while Haru suddenly turned back to normal and began to walk away. While they stood there, unable to move due to shock, a women recognized Nagisa's face from the news and called the police. Then the cops came and took Nagisa away. 

THE END

 


End file.
